Manipulation
Consultation is where a therapist seeks guidance from a more experienced counselor for support with their professional challenges and development. One particular session I had was truly transformative and opened up so much for me. Although the answer I received was simple, it turned out to be the most profound insight I had encountered. Two years into my private practice work, I found myself tumultuously challenged by a family member of a client. After spending time explaining my frustrations and essentially ranting, my consultant asked me a pivotal question: “Why do people manipulate?” I believe I initially responded with, “because they are annoying,” a reply that apparently annoyed her even further. She patiently explained, after providing numerous hints, that it often stems from the belief that they cannot openly ask for what they want and instead resort to manipulation. While it is true that we all engage in manipulation in our own small ways, the most obvious instances often feel deceitful and performative. In that reflective space, I began reading about the intricate relationships women have with their mothers, which significantly aided me in recognizing just how detached individuals can become from their actual needs. The belief that my needs will be met is learned. When we find ourselves being manipulated, we frequently jump to the conclusion that someone is doing it intentionally. Yet, it is rare for a person to clearly identify that they are in need of connection and then proceed to use manipulation as a strategy. Most individuals only sense their discomfort and instinctively fall into the familiar patterns established within their family dynamics.
Here are some questions to identifying needs
What are my complaints? What am I not getting? What would ideally like?
What am I feeling? Where am I feeling it? What sensations do I crave?
Discomfort, in the head is sometimes a need for clarity. When it is in heart space check if you need connection. In the body, it is often safety.
Check out
